I had a mystical experience when I was at the Unity Seminary at a retreat in 2003. I had been feeling very thankful to be there and to be learning what I was learning, and to be with that group of people. There was a song that some of us were singing, by Ricki Byars-Beckwith, that I would sing occasionally throughout that week. It is a ‘round’ and it just repeats the line “Pour yourself in me, pour yourself into my heart, wonderful Spirit…” Then, instead of “pour your self in me,” it would turn to “pour your love in me”, “pour your truth in me”, and so on.
In the middle of my second week there, I was in my dorm room singing that song. Then I was sitting on the bed, and I just began to become full of something, in which I was ultimately laughing and crying at the same time. Finally, I sat down on the bed and I was being filled with goodness. Filled to overflowing — as if big, 55 gallon drums of goodness, of utter love, were being poured into me. I was just being filled up and inflated. It was something that I had never experienced before.
A Mystical Experience Fulfilled
Although this is not a phrase that I used in my spiritual background, the thought that came to me was the idea of being “filled with the Holy Spirit,” that it was a physical and a spiritual sensation of filled up, and Up, and UP. Finally to where I did not know what was going to happen, like if I kept being filled, was I going to disappear? Or ascend? Or die? I was not fearful, but I was wondering, “When is this going to stop?” Because it was a feeling of elation, but it was so unbelievably big that I did not know how much more I could contain.
Finally, I was laying on my back on my bed and I had my hands up, and I said aloud, “I get how good you are. I get how good you are…” And then the filling stopped and a calmness began to come over me. That whole experience was amazing and transformative.
From the editor: Let’s give a big thank you to John Connor for writing about his uplifting spiritual experience. His new book The Straitjacket of Perfectionism: How to stop chasing ‘perfect’ and finally achieve your greatest goals is available on Amazon.
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He has worked for the last 12 years as a spiritual care counselor in hospice, and is an ordained minister in the Unity church denomination.
John was profiled in The Washington Post and other publications, and his article writing has been published most recently in the Huffington Post.
Leading workshops on overcoming perfectionism is a favorite for John.
You can read more at www.JohnConnor.com.